Im a retard and an idiot

I decided today that I am the biggest idiot there is going at the moment.
Reasons-

1. I am going to America in around six weeks, I have know about this for precisely 48hrs and in that time I have managed to gain around 4-6 pounds instead of losing it.

2. I slashed my arm five times last night with a shard of glass. I now can’t roll up my sleep and have to spend around 30mins trying to plaster my scabbed skin with foundation. The beauty of foundation is that it covers up mistakes, insecurities. I could still see all five of my badly etched mistakes on my skin after I had applied layers and layers of cover up.

3. I pulled out of being a bridesmaid today because a. The dress fitting was exactly in six days time and I weigh roughly around the same mass of a baby elephant. B. My arm slashed won’t have gone down by then, and obviously the dress isn’t going to have sleeves.
The thing is, I actually wanted to be a bridesmaid, but now I have fucked it all up because I am FAT FAT FAT.

4. And what precisely did I do after I realised for the millionth time that being fat is ruining my life...? I went and scoffed around 1000 calories of pure disgustingness.

5. I have been sitting in the same sweats and underwear for 48hrs straight. I am officially more of a tramp than my own hobo sister.

6. I’ve been sitting in the house for 2 days straight, doing shit all, while my sister has had two of her friends round. I’m the one who is supposed to have a fucking social life. But instead the only fucking interaction I get is with the stick thin TV actresses on T.V. Even my mother has a better fucking social life than I do.

7. Fuck I am a RETARD.


I just watched How to lose friends and alienate people, on TV and I have to say, that I am considering myself to be even more of a twat than Sidney Young.

Urrghh I want to be thin. But I’m so retarded all I can do is sit in front of the TV all day and grow fat and hairy like a bloody gorilla.
FUCK.
I’m going to cut down to 400calls per day and get out of the house and do some fucking exercise.