Lyrics that sum most of us up - I was bored so I thought I wld find some inspiring lyrics that mean more to us then they do to others...
Did it Again- Shakira lyrics
I did it again now,
Ive got it all wrong
But it felt so right
I can't believe it
All the mistakes that
went on for too long
wish there was a way
I could delet 'em
Second night in a row
Back in trouble, I dont get it
Gotta keep it down cos it'll all be COLD
We ignore it
Its getting better ...?
Your not alone- Tinchy Stryder
your not alone, no time to feel weak, wake up its time to look deep, don't wait to the end of time.
Look I know the feeling
I know your deep in working it out but there aint no reason
And i know its all DECIVING
I promise you I'm the air that your breathing
Were here with you
in the same phase as you
by your side
believe its true
we've got the clearest view
hand in hand
side by side
not concered whoes outside
Its almost time
were here
its all in line
you need a shoulder lean on mine
your not alone it in your mind
keep holding on
you keep holding on
believe in us, believe in me, shine the light and see.
creepy but I feel that tinchy stryder song was written for ana's... anyone else got any good songs? Im looking for lyrical inspiration.
Sunday 20 December 2009
The world works in weird ways
So at the mo im not really feeling happy or sad. Im feeling confused.
I threw up earlier but then binge ate on a packet high calory crisps, a chunk of chocolate, special K cereal and a hot chocolate. Luckily god spared me and I gained a pound instead of the 4 or 5 I was expecting to gain from my binge fest.
A trick ive learnt = find some low calory food that you like then when you feel you need 2 binge, just eat that. I love the special K cereal that has dried red fruits in it. Its really filling and low in calories. Even though I binge ate today I dont feel as bad because I binge ate on something that didn't make me pile on the pounds.
My dilema this weekend has been about a boy. Last year I found out this boy liked me, then I decided I liked him back. Neither of us did anything about it because he didn't know that I knew he liked me, and he didn't know that I liked him (if that makes sence!?). I figured this didn't matter because I was going 2 Paris with the school for 5 days (around 18 pupils went) so I figured I could get to know him then. It sounds cheezy but I daydreamed about us kissing on the Effile Tower and confessing our deep love for each other. Yeh right. I fucked it all up BIG TIME, by getting DRUNK on the french tip- no not tipsy, but FULLY DRUNK. Then I made a complete fool of myself by shouting out to him " Your a wanker Benny, we all know you use to fancy me." I carried on hurling insults at him and flirting with him in between trying to throw myself in the river and avoid the suspicious teachers who thought I had had an alergic reaction to nuts!!! Haaa. ANNNWAAYYSSS
a few months after the cringy french trip and Im presently here wondering if I should ask him why he thinks I am a prick. Sounds strange I know, but yesterday we were talking and I said to him " I use to think you were a prick but your actually quite funny" (y the hell did i say that!?). I still think hes a prick and i don't think he is funny but i kind of just said that for the sake of it.
He then went on to say "You think I'M a prick!, well I wont tell you wot I think of you"
Well of course I then had to ask what he thought of me, even though I was dreading what he would reply, but he simply said he was too tired to talk (it was around 3/4 in the morning) and that he would tell me why he thought I was a prick tomoz.
Well its tommorow...but Im not sure if I should ask him why he thinks I'm a prick...
I tossed a coin, and it told me to ask him.
I dont think I fancy him anymore but he now knows that I did fancy him (I may of confessed that on the frech trip aswell) , so im curious about what he will say and if it will have anything about me fancying him.
grr someone help please?
I threw up earlier but then binge ate on a packet high calory crisps, a chunk of chocolate, special K cereal and a hot chocolate. Luckily god spared me and I gained a pound instead of the 4 or 5 I was expecting to gain from my binge fest.
A trick ive learnt = find some low calory food that you like then when you feel you need 2 binge, just eat that. I love the special K cereal that has dried red fruits in it. Its really filling and low in calories. Even though I binge ate today I dont feel as bad because I binge ate on something that didn't make me pile on the pounds.
My dilema this weekend has been about a boy. Last year I found out this boy liked me, then I decided I liked him back. Neither of us did anything about it because he didn't know that I knew he liked me, and he didn't know that I liked him (if that makes sence!?). I figured this didn't matter because I was going 2 Paris with the school for 5 days (around 18 pupils went) so I figured I could get to know him then. It sounds cheezy but I daydreamed about us kissing on the Effile Tower and confessing our deep love for each other. Yeh right. I fucked it all up BIG TIME, by getting DRUNK on the french tip- no not tipsy, but FULLY DRUNK. Then I made a complete fool of myself by shouting out to him " Your a wanker Benny, we all know you use to fancy me." I carried on hurling insults at him and flirting with him in between trying to throw myself in the river and avoid the suspicious teachers who thought I had had an alergic reaction to nuts!!! Haaa. ANNNWAAYYSSS
a few months after the cringy french trip and Im presently here wondering if I should ask him why he thinks I am a prick. Sounds strange I know, but yesterday we were talking and I said to him " I use to think you were a prick but your actually quite funny" (y the hell did i say that!?). I still think hes a prick and i don't think he is funny but i kind of just said that for the sake of it.
He then went on to say "You think I'M a prick!, well I wont tell you wot I think of you"
Well of course I then had to ask what he thought of me, even though I was dreading what he would reply, but he simply said he was too tired to talk (it was around 3/4 in the morning) and that he would tell me why he thought I was a prick tomoz.
Well its tommorow...but Im not sure if I should ask him why he thinks I'm a prick...
I tossed a coin, and it told me to ask him.
I dont think I fancy him anymore but he now knows that I did fancy him (I may of confessed that on the frech trip aswell) , so im curious about what he will say and if it will have anything about me fancying him.
grr someone help please?
Tuesday 15 December 2009
Larger than life
I'm not really sure how to start or what even to write about...
i'm not even sure if anyone will even read this
I mean, why would they?
I am sure of three things though-
1. I am a weak, stupid person who really doesn't deserve to live
2. I don't really feel like I have a reason 2 live anymore
3. I feel alone and empty (even though I am stuffed full of crap at the moment)
My name is Lorella. Larger than life Lorella the kids at school would chant to me in the playground. Jabbing their fingers into my spongy skin and leering at me as they crowded round in large circles, viciously taunting me about the very thing I have grown to despise. My body.
I'm now 15, living in the uk and attending a catholic school, though god knows why because a.I'm not catholic or even christian and b.God fuking hates me because I let him down alll the time.
Today I did an hours excersize of stretching and dancing. I've always wanted to record a video of myself dancing and stick it on youtube or something like that. Im 90% possitive it would be a hit, as sad depressed people would watch it to boost their happiness and confidence - anyone would feel more confident about themselves after watching me madly jump around like a bowl of pink wobbly jelly.
After that I played on the wii fit. And then I played tennis for an hour. AND THEN...i ate.
I couldn't stop the white bread and humous being shoved into my mouth, I felt out of control and crazy. Even my mother was looking at me wide eyed, like I was some kind of wild savage animal that hadn't been fed for days. Next came a meal my mother cooked me and then i grabbed a large jar of nutella type stuff (but without the nuts because I am highly allergic to them), and I ate it straight from the jar- shovelling mouthful after mouthful into my greedy gob and not stopping until I had litteraly scraped the last remaining bits of chocolate out of the jar.
I literally repulse myself down to the very core of my body.
Why am I so fucking weak? Its like I can last through the day perfectly well, but then when the evening comes I am so hungry my body just goes into automatic and my brain doesn't even have time to think before I realise what Im doing.
Im setting myself a new goal, something I hope I will be good at. Instead of pushing myself to be a stone lighter every week which is soo impossible for me, I am going to tackle the things that cause me to binge eat and therefore put on weight. I use to be addicted to Millies cookies smoothie drinks and biscuits, I would literally have 5 biscuits and around 2/3 drinks per week. I was a total Millies addict. The one day I told myself that I HAD to stop having anything from Millies cookies. And that was that. Now I have not had a single drop of drink or a single crumb of a cookie from that place in like 4 months.
My new goal is to cut out white bread until I have lost 7 pounds. Once I have reached my aim weight I can start eating it again is small proportions. Tomorrow I am going to set anyother new goal until I am cutting out everything that i binge on, at least it is something that will cheer me up.
Night people,
Large than life Lorella x
i'm not even sure if anyone will even read this
I mean, why would they?
I am sure of three things though-
1. I am a weak, stupid person who really doesn't deserve to live
2. I don't really feel like I have a reason 2 live anymore
3. I feel alone and empty (even though I am stuffed full of crap at the moment)
My name is Lorella. Larger than life Lorella the kids at school would chant to me in the playground. Jabbing their fingers into my spongy skin and leering at me as they crowded round in large circles, viciously taunting me about the very thing I have grown to despise. My body.
I'm now 15, living in the uk and attending a catholic school, though god knows why because a.I'm not catholic or even christian and b.God fuking hates me because I let him down alll the time.
Today I did an hours excersize of stretching and dancing. I've always wanted to record a video of myself dancing and stick it on youtube or something like that. Im 90% possitive it would be a hit, as sad depressed people would watch it to boost their happiness and confidence - anyone would feel more confident about themselves after watching me madly jump around like a bowl of pink wobbly jelly.
After that I played on the wii fit. And then I played tennis for an hour. AND THEN...i ate.
I couldn't stop the white bread and humous being shoved into my mouth, I felt out of control and crazy. Even my mother was looking at me wide eyed, like I was some kind of wild savage animal that hadn't been fed for days. Next came a meal my mother cooked me and then i grabbed a large jar of nutella type stuff (but without the nuts because I am highly allergic to them), and I ate it straight from the jar- shovelling mouthful after mouthful into my greedy gob and not stopping until I had litteraly scraped the last remaining bits of chocolate out of the jar.
I literally repulse myself down to the very core of my body.
Why am I so fucking weak? Its like I can last through the day perfectly well, but then when the evening comes I am so hungry my body just goes into automatic and my brain doesn't even have time to think before I realise what Im doing.
Im setting myself a new goal, something I hope I will be good at. Instead of pushing myself to be a stone lighter every week which is soo impossible for me, I am going to tackle the things that cause me to binge eat and therefore put on weight. I use to be addicted to Millies cookies smoothie drinks and biscuits, I would literally have 5 biscuits and around 2/3 drinks per week. I was a total Millies addict. The one day I told myself that I HAD to stop having anything from Millies cookies. And that was that. Now I have not had a single drop of drink or a single crumb of a cookie from that place in like 4 months.
My new goal is to cut out white bread until I have lost 7 pounds. Once I have reached my aim weight I can start eating it again is small proportions. Tomorrow I am going to set anyother new goal until I am cutting out everything that i binge on, at least it is something that will cheer me up.
Night people,
Large than life Lorella x
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