I know what my mum would say if she knew I was talking like this, she would tell me to get a grip and to 'stop being sad'. I'm not sure its that easy. Maybe it is, maybe I'm just a lost soul trapped in my own negativity.
It feels different this time around. I'm ready to check out of life, that I am sure of. Yet there is no angst or anxiety, nervousness, crying fits and hysterics. I am calm, and I like it this way. When a sense of overwhelming emotions washed over me earlier, instead of crumbling to the floor and sobbing my heart out I just felt numb. Talking to people is also becoming a colossal effort.
I don't know what to do. The school work is pilling up and I know that I will get in severe trouble tomorrow but I don't think I even care.
I just want to check out of life for good. I don't want to kill myself though, but I have been self harming badly today. And vomiting. So much for the end of that, although it was very minor vomiting.
I just want to go so badly. Why was I even created. I didn't choose to be born, and I don't want to be here feeling like this, and feeling an immense amount of guilt because I am a selfish brat who has everything in the world, and when I compare my problems to those that have absolutely nothing and struggle to even live, I am a mere shadow in the breaking of dawn across the horizon.
Please just let me go. Let my family and everyone who has ever known me just forget me and be happy with their lives without me. I just want to go so badly. So so badly.
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